F.M.P.

Warning to those who hate or just don't care about the NBA: the following post is about said professional sports league.

Or should I say league of actors. No, no, no, that's a stretch. Not every player in the NBA is a vagina who gets knocked over by a stiff breeze (the other and more serious problem with flopping, besides it hurting the integrity of the game, is that players who wouldn't usually stoop to that level are nearly forced to in order to compete. Really, it's a vicious cycle.)

I just finished viewing my beloved Suns choke away a nearly wire-to-wire victory over the Spurs and rather than going completely apeshit and dropping f-bombs with every other word, I'm offering a solution to the constant flopping that occurs in today's NBA game and squeezing just a few sour grapes.

It doesn't involve changing any of the present rules or opening up every foul call to replay or even giving the officials any more chances to use their ridiculous judgment.

Instead of an opposing team glaring at and berating and official when a guy like Manu Ginobli loses the ball at halfcourt on his own accord but then (gasp!) suddenly throws himself nearly into the scorers table without absorbing any contact at all to make it appear to the gullible official that his evil opponent knocked him off his spot, the team should simply take matters into their own hands.

That's right everyone, I'm calling for some good ol' fashioned, vigilante, Wild West style justice. Continue letting Manu flop and flail all over the court. If he wants to go down after getting a rebound like he was shot by Tom Berenger, fine.

But from here on, be sure he knows there is a price to pay for his indiscretion. In the Suns case this evening, every player on the court should immediately, upon the restart of play on the officials next whistle, commence in savagely beating the offending player. In this instance, the one and only Manu Ginobli, he who is no doubt the number one culprit of flopping.

Hit him so hard the cliff on his face crumbles. Kick him so hard while he's down his Nazi escapee parents hurt. Send a message to the rest of the players on the Spurs and to the NBA as a whole, this shit simply will not stand any longer.

Enough is enough. I see no other way of making it stop. At the rate the league is going now, it will be unwatchable in another couple of years. Instead of coaches on the sideline, there will be a panel of judges rating both the arc and landing of every flop on the court.

There's no better way to stop it than to break someone's face. Think Kermit Washington and Rudy T. After Kermit just about killed Rudy T at halfcourt, coming off the bench was banned.

Yes, I realize my logic is bass ackwards, but in my head it's what I call "science." Kill or at least maim a habitual flopper and who knows, maybe that conniving, smug little shit David Stern will outlaw flopping.

Posted by McLane at 10:39 PM