Turdrific Tuesday

My opinion of Tuesdays still hasn't changed. I really hate this stupid day. I got next to nothing accomplished yesterday and I've paid the price yet again today. You'd think I would learn my lesson one of these weeks. Not so. I'm just not smart enough

Don't forget for a second that the Duke is the brains of this operation and one of my purposes in being here is to make him look more intelligent and witty. At least I'm doing something right.

Onto this week's recipients:

Georgia Frontiere

She's dead. You normally wouldn't think someone who is deceased deserves a steaming crap but here's the deal. She makes me think of Christmas Vacation.

I always thought she had a striking resemblance to Doris Roberts (also a star of Everyone Loves Raymond...a show I begrudgingly acknowledge has been funny when I've seen it.) Every time I'd see Frontiere or hear about her I'd think of the scene in Christmas Vacation where the two grandfathers are sleeping, Griswold's mom is slapping icing on a gingerbreak house and Griswold's mother-in-law is smoking and turning up the Macy's Day Parade telecast.

In a roundabout way, Georgia Frontiere brought joy into my life. Now that she's gone, there is a void.

Bobby Fischer

Continuing with the theme of death...Fischer was a crazy anti-semite who hated America.

Hating America...BAD. These colors don't run, Fischer.

Hating Jews...BAD. Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax. Need I say more?

Stupid Patriots Fans

I'm not here to stereotype and lump people together. It's too easy to say all Patriots fans are obnoxious jerks who talk funny or that all Packer fans want to suck Brett Favre bratwurst or that we Cardinals fans are simple desert folk who fancy cowboy hats, turquoise belt buckles and tumbleweed artwork.

Examples can of course be provided for all the above but we all know it's just a small minority. Then of course, you look at this kind of thing and want the USAF to hit Boston hard, Dresden-style.

I hope Dr. Z is right.

Tar Heel Fans

BOO HOO! WAAAAAA! It must be so hard rooting for a perennial college basketball power that is 18-1 this year and is sitting pretty in first place in their conference. I'd be bawling my eyes out as well if my school had a top ten recruiting class every year and sold out the arena months in advance, even for a game against the Sisters of Mercy.

It could be worse, sweetheart. You could be a Duke fan.

Paul Pierce and Quentin Richardson

Dr. King would not have been amused with your aggression, fellas. Besides, it's the regular season and one of you plays for the Knicks.

LaDanian Tomlinson

As the Duke correctly pointed out to me earlier, his QB was minus an ACL. But I'm not upset that he lasted just a few plays. I'm upset with his insistence on wearing his helmet the entire time on the sidelines.

It really made me insane. Why not take off the helmet? He was like bizarro world (second bizarro world reference in one day on the blog, yowza) Jerry Seinfeld being offered the pen by Jack Clompus.

Tony Romo

Don't do it, dumbass. You can still pry yourself away from this evil succubus before she and her father leave you as nothing more than a pile of rotting skin resembling armadillo roadkill.

Her vagina can't be that magical, can it? Maybe a couple of weeks ago it was but I'm guessing Strahan did a real number on her nether region.

I'm pretty much spent. If you think I missed someone, leave a comment and if you think someone deserves a turd for next week, email me.

Posted by McLane at 2:57 PM