NBA Western Conference...What Now?

As the entire free world probably knows at this point, Shaquille O'Neal has been traded to the Suns for Shawn Marion and D'Antoni's whipping boy, Marcus Banks. As a Suns fan, it has been a very interesting couple of days. Adrian Wojicantspellhisname from Yahoo does a great job of wrapping everything up.

With this trade and Gasol being given to the Lakers for a playoff push (thanks Commissioner Stern, you asshole,) the NBA Western Conference is in a state of flux. Giant, lumbering men with a proclivity for sweating profusely are being shipped across the country like porn DVDs. Just 6 games separating the top ten teams in the conference. I'd say we're in for a wild finish.

Here's how I'd currently rank the teams and their chances of representing the West in the Finals (in reverse order) against the Celtics or most likely the Pistons.

Quick note to Kings fans: you will not find your team below, Ron Artest will not allow it.

One other quick note: again, I'm ranking these teams according to their chances of getting to the Finals, not at where I think they'll be seeded or if they'll win their division, etc.

Portland

Sorry Blazers fans, but your run is over, the slipper doesn't fit and it's been smashed into a million pieces. Maybe Darius Miles can put it in his pipe and smoke it.

Looking at their offensive (13th) and defensive (18th) ratings, they're a middle of the pack team at the moment and will most likely be for the remainder of the year.

Having said that, next year this team could be a real force. Oden will provide a rebounding and defensive presence, Roy will be a year older and wiser, and Pritchard will have surely worked some more magic.

Denver

This team has from top to bottom, arguably the most talent in the league. For whatever reason though, they flat out refuse to play defense, giving up a whopping 104 points per game, poor enough for 28th in the league, behind just the Warriors and Grizzlies.

So what gives? Carmelo and AI aren't exactly known for their defensive prowess and George Karl is a stubborn, angry, angry man. It's almost as though he enjoys being miserable and making the lives of Nuggets' fans a living hell. There needs to be a major shakeup with this team and it should definitely start at the top.

Golden State

Another awful defensive team, at least their excuse is a coach who doesn't give a shit. I'm convinced Donn Nelson likes nothing more than to tinker...and drink scotch, scotch, scotch.

Underdog status and a #8 seed was enough for the Warriors to embarrass the Mavs last year and make for some of the most exciting playoff basketball ever seen, but when they squeak into the playoffs this year they'll be in trouble. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice (I'd make a Great Outdoors joke but a picture of that guy in that role is impossible to find...cue a certain reader posting a comment with a link within an hour of reading.)

Houston

They really stunk it up for a couple of months trying to implement Adelman's system but seem to have righted the ship, winning 4 in a row and 8 of their last 10. All this despite Skip 2 My Lou leading the charge at point guard.

My buddy hates Rafer. HATES him. I don't know if he caught him molesting his dog or just despises And1 but it's always a joy watching Rockets games with him. The hatred just spills out. Moving on...

The Rockets still play great defense, giving up just 93 a game, good enough for 2nd on the defensive rating list. Pretty impressive stuff, especially when considering Adelman isn't known as a defensive guru. Perhaps the team wasn't as sad to see Van Gundy go as previously thought. Or perhaps they have Shane Battier and Yao, one a great on the ball and help defender and the other a giant of a man.

Warning to viewers of Spurs/Rockets games: may cause coma caused by onset of extreme boredom.

If the Rockets keep it up on the defensive end, keep feeding it to Yao and T-Mac can stay on the court, they'll be right there. They'll at the very least give a top team a run for their money in the first round.

San Antonio

Something is amiss with the Spurs this year. Maybe they've gotten old quickly, maybe the injury bug has thrown everything off. Maybe Manu has colon cancer. I kid, I kid...

They're still capable of doing Spurs things, like going into Phoenix and coming out on top of a brutal, defensive game but with Parker out indefinitely, they're just not the same.

Yes, I loathe the Spurs but my picking them to not secure homecourt advantage is mostly based on what I like to call science. By science, I mean my gut feeling.

I hope the Alamo burns down.

New Orleans

They've been too hot for too long. Although they ended up winning the best game of the year last night over the Suns, they lost their previous three, all to teams with point guards bigger than Chris Paul.

Yup, Baron Davis, Mike Bibby and Deron Williams all notched victories over Chris Paul. Boom Dizzle and especially Deron Williams led the charge in the win, with Williams pretty much depantsing Paul for four quarters.

They also have a thin bench and a starter is bound to go down for at least a slight stretch of games. The team hasn't quite been this good this far into the season and growing pains are to be expected.

But holy crap, they're consistent and solid on both ends of the floor. Damn good defense and solid, balanced offense is a recipe for success in the playoffs. Scary.

Dallas

Devin Harris is hurt, Josh Howard isn't he's all he's cracked up to be, Dirk crapped the bed last year and went walkabout, their defense is leaky and Erick Dampier is still their starting center.

And yet they're still right there, tied with New Orleans for the division lead, beating the team they're supposed to and giving other winning teams (besides the Pistons,) all they can handle.

The Warriors killed them last year but to borrow from today's NBA Closer's theme, the Mavericks are only mostly dead. Avery will show them true love and they'll get it done.

Lakers

If there's a sporting team I hate more than any other, it's the Lakers. I really despise the Spurs and sometimes even the Mavericks, but my hatred for Kobe and Phil (along with Derek Fisher and now Andrew Bynum) really trumps all.

So it really pains me to position them this high. It hurts bad. However, even I have to admit they'll be a force to be reckoned with, especially when Bynum's knee heals up and he's full strength.

The front-line of Bynum, Gasol and Odom will allow maybe 1/2 an offensive rebound a game. Kobe is the best player in the league, Derek Fisher is still a crafty veteran, and Phil has a number of role players to throw out there.

Anyone in the LA area down for hunting down Vujacic and shaving his head for me? Mail me his scalp and I'll make sure you're properly constipated. I mean compensated.

The Lakers are good now but will only get better. They can do it inside, they can do it outside. If I could think of a Green Eggs and Ham type rhyme to go along with that, I would.

Utah

Don't touch them, you'll get burned. Winners of ten in a row, the Jazz are putting up points in bunches, the trade for Kyle Korver being a turning point in the season.

Read the last part of that last sentence again. The Demi-globe-motorboating-lookalike has put some bounce in a team's step and they all of a sudden can't seem to lose.

This team is about as balanced on offense as they come. Boozer down low making ridiculous turnarounds, Deron Williams manning the point and putting the ball where it needs to be, Millsap rebounding, and Okur and Korver firing away. And don't forget former crybaby, Kirilenko.

They've got it all. If Jerry Sloan isn't the best coach in the league, I'm not sure who is. I respect the hell out of him for loosening the reins on offense and letting these guys play.

I do still hate Stockton and Malone and those stupid purple jerseys with the mountain on them.

Phoenix

Maybe it's a homer pick but I can't help it, I'm a fan. Unlike this fuckin' guy.

Shaq will be a force down low, the Suns will still run and gun, Nash will lead the team to the promised land and hang the first championship banner in franchise history. It has to happen. It just has to. Pretty please?

Posted by McLane at 1:53 PM