There are all kinds of ways to predict the upcoming NBA Finals. You can be a celebrity and know nothing. You can turn on a crappy video game and simulate a series. You can be an expert and have a well-informed opinion.
Your Face is a Sports Blog doesn't really have any of those things. I'm sure as hell not a celebrity, the only crappy video games I play are on the NES, and using the word expert to describe me is like saying Karl Malone has a thing for older women.
However, with the Finals FINALLY upon us tonight (thanks Fuhrer Stern...everyone loves waiting a week and that 9:30 East Coast time tipoff is AWESOME) I felt compelled to weigh in and make a prediction.
Lakers in 6.
Happy?
No?
Fine, I'll give my reasoning. You see, between myself and the Duke, I watch a ton more basketball. I'm a bit of an NBA junkie, I'll watch whatever game is on, even if its the Bucks taking on the Bulls. In fact, I think I missed three Suns games all year.
I can go ahead and rehash all the points from the links I provided above (Kobe is the best player in the league, KG's head is going to blow up like that dude's from Look Who's Talking, Doc Rivers will play Sam Cassell) but that's rather boring. Instead, I came up with a new prediction model for the NBA Finals.
With summer upon us and the pool nice and warmed up, why not take a look at who would win in a chicken fight? Everyone has different ways of putting together chicken fight combatants but in the mean pools I hail from, we always tried to pair big and little guys, big guy on bottom of course.
For this series I decided to use the two best players from each team, Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol from the Lakers and Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce from the Celtics. It just so happens they match up in size rather well and will also be matched up on the court pretty often in the Finals. Perfect.
Kobe and Pau's biggest problem will be Pau's inability to match the intensity of the completely insane Kevin Garnett. That passive-aggressive bullshit doesn't cut it in the shallow end. Pau will need to come up with more than useless flopping, crybaby faces and an ugly beard.
Pierce and Garnett will have issues with Kobe as he'll surely fight dirty and do anything to gain an advantage, winning being his only mission. They'd be well-advised to check Pau's beard for flying stars, switchblades and straight-edge razors, Kobe is crafty like that.
In the end I see it being close but Kobe's willingness to do anything and everything will eventually rub off on Pau and he and Kobe will simultaneously go for the man regions of their Celtics counterparts in their sixth matchup, incapacitating both men and bringing home the Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy for all the jerkface Laker fans.
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