Handicapabling Challenge - McLane eats cow tongue

We here at Your Face is a Sports Blog...we're idiots. It's true. Below is video evidence, as I eat some hastily prepared cow tongue.

As further evidence of our idiocy, please keep in mind the video was filmed over a week ago, and was payment for what I think was week three of our picks. At this point, I'm really not sure.

I do know this. Cell phones companies that make their product record with quick time can die in a fiery plane crash just after they've been violated by a jackhammer.

Warning: the video is long. Really long. 11 minutes or so to be inexact. I'd recommend skipping ahead to the 2:00 mark to see the first bite and then the 6:25 mark for the eating of the wrong part of the tongue. The rest is nothing but bad video quality filler. And the sound sucks.

Your Face is a Sports Blog Handicapabling Challenge
Uploaded by fightonusc

It's only taken us a month but once the Duke posts video of his sriracha shot, we should be current with the Handicapabling Challenge bets.

Posted by McLane at 10:29 AM 0 comments  

Let's call it a minor weightlifting injury

The video of this poor bastard busting himself up is all over the place and while it's entertaining in it's own sick, little way, it isn't nearly as bad as it gets. At least his arms are still connected.

"Getting ready to lift now is Sergei Akmudov of the Soviet Union. His trainer has told me that he's taken antibolic steroids, Novacaine, Nyquil, Darvon, and some sort of fish paralyzer. Also, I believe he's had a few cocktails within the last hour or so."

Posted by McLane at 11:35 AM 2 comments  

The Greatest Sports Highlight Video Ever Created

We've all seen ESPN's Ultimate Highlight at some point in our lives, and while the editing is crisp and the plays are spectacular, the songs used are consistently awful. This is how it's done:



Catchy as all hell song + goofy highlights + 80's fashion = WINNER

UPDATE: The Duke has his panties in a bunch because "Centerfield > Walk of Life." I would agree wholeheartedly that the song and video are indeed better but Centerfield is all baseball and more of a look back at the golden age of the sport. As such...ah, fuck it, here's our President's favorite song, Centerfield, by John Fogerty:

Posted by McLane at 8:54 AM 2 comments  

Nicholas Kaczur Has Been Swimming In Raw Sewage...He LOVES It

Pretty bizarre story out of Boston today.

Patriots offensive lineman gets caught with Rush Limbaugh's favorite vitamin, Patriots offensive lineman wears a wire (but not a Jamaican hat), Patriots offensive lineman helps his dealer get arrested, Patriots offensive lineman tells reporter "I don't know what you're talking about, bro."

Get all that?

The moral of the story of course is if you're dumb enough to get caught speeding while possessing a controlled substance but not a prescription, eat the bag.

Posted by McLane at 11:05 AM 0 comments  

Forget the Urinals, I'm Waiting for a Stall

This past weekend I was able to attend an interleague game between the DBacks and Tigers at Chase Field. Young phenom Max Scherzer toed the rubber for the Diamondbacks while the unheralded Armando Galarraga took the ball for Jim Leyland and the Tigers.

The game itself was rather uneventful, as neither team could get much offense going despite the subpar stuff from each pitcher. The highlight of the action on the field was Pudge Rodriguez allowing a popped-up sacrifice bunt from the bat of Orlando Hudson to drop, setting off a double play of Chris Young at second and Hudson at first. It was a cold-blooded veteran play only a catcher with a bronze statue of himself in his backyard could pull off.

What amazed me more than the silence of the bats of two high-powered squads was the number of Tigers fans at Chase Field. I had no idea Phoenix was such a hotbed of Detroit culture. I half assumed The Dirtbombs were putting on a postgame concert..

Sadly, this was not the case. Instead, in making a stop in the men's bathroom before exiting the stadium, I was urinated on by the gentleman next to me.

Ever had your right calf peed on while you were taking care of your own business? It isn't a social situation you'd be prepared for, that's for sure. As I felt the liquid hit my leg, I knew exactly what was happening. The guy next to me was drunk and couldn't control his stream.

Now, it was just a quick shot and he immediately redirected his fire, so I'll give credit where credit is due. But I didn't really know how to react. As I saw it, here were my options:

1 - return fire, piss all over him, make R. Kelly proud
2 - fight through the stinging of stopping after starting, turn and punch the guy in the throat
3 - take care of my business while silently, coldly staring at his stupid face

As I was far more sober than the leg-urinator, I held myself in check and opted for option 3. He didn't dare look at me or even offer a half-hearted drunken apology, something I would have done if I were in his shoes.

Next time, I'm waiting for a stall.

Posted by McLane at 12:10 PM 2 comments  

Scott McCartney's Horrific Downhill Crash at Kitzbuehel

If you haven't been paying attention, American's Favorite Drunk Skier Bode Miller has left the US National team and is competing on his own in the World Cup this year, which is practically unheard of. The amazing part is that he's having one of his best seasons in recent years training and competing on his own, current standing third in the Overall Standings, with two victories on the season.

This weekend brought a tie for second at the downhill race in Kitzbuehel, Austria (which is pretty much the Daytona of skiing). Unfortunately, the story of the race wasn't Miller, or winner Didier Cuche, but a horrific crash by American Scott McCartney on the final jump of the race. In case you are curious, McCartney is reportedly in good condition with no serious injuries other than a concussion.

Still...ugh. I think I'll stay on the bunny slopes. (Note: video commentary in German. Or possibly Hungarian. Or some other European, guttural language.)



And I know some people are going to wonder: since he crossed the finish line, we has scored as having finished 33rd out of 55 finishers. Which a) has to sting if you finished behind an unconscious guy and b) may or may not be even more impressive than Clint Bowyer finishing the Daytona 500 upside down and on fire last year:

Posted by The Duke of Everything at 11:39 AM 7 comments